Breaking the Habit
by Suni Daughter of Moro
Summary: Tohru angst, Yuki angst, Akito angst - Tohru's been suffering all sorts of physical and mental abuse from Akito for seven years and Yuki feels as though it's his fault. (Song fic: Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park)


Breaking the Habit

_Yuki was running down the tree-lined road in the heavy rain. He paused at the gates of Sohma House, panting uncontrollably. An asthma attack was gripping him but he couldn't stop for long. Akito had Tohru and Yuki was sure Akito had hurt her._

_The gates were pushed open by a weak and frail figure of pure white and red. It was Tohru, drenched in a cloak of her own crimson blood. She was naked except for a white tattered sheet that was stained shades of red in some places. Her tears mixed with the blood flowing down her face._

_"Yuki… I'm… sorry."_

"NO!" Yuki shot up in bed. Was it all a dream? Yuki looked to his left and saw the picture of himself with Tohru's daughter Kyoko. It wasn't a dream. Kyoko was Akito's child as well.

"It's two in the morning, you damn rat. Go back to sleep," a voice called from the shadows.

"Kyo? What are you doing here?" Yuki's eyes came upon Kyo's shaded figure in the corner.

"Shigure was worried that you might do something stupid again. Told me to keep watch."

"Something stupid again…?" Yuki looked down at the fresh stitches in his wrist. "Yes it was stupid."

"Hey. Relax. Get some sleep," Kyo insisted.

Yuki silently returned to rest for a few minutes, not knowing that his sleep would be shattered by more painful memories. Before the night was through, Yuki had recalled in dream every last time Akito took Tohru and tortured her.

_Memories consume_

_Like opening the wound_

_I'm picking me apart again_

_You all assume_

_I'm safe here in my room_

_Unless I try to start again_

__

"Yuki," Shigure looked at him over the rim of his newspaper. It was early morning and the three men were sitting around the dining room table. "We need to do something about Tohru."

"We can't fire her after all Akito did to her! If she's loyal enough to stay with us, we should stay with her!"

"I didn't mean firing her. I meant therapy or a vacation or maybe… sending you and Tohru to live in America where Akito can't get you."

"What?"

"I've been thinking about it for a while now. I think you, Kyoko, and Tohru should go somewhere Akito can't get you. I know what this probably entails for me and I'm prepared to make that sacrifice in a heartbeat," Shigure nodded.

"You're a fool," Yuki said simply. "I don't want to drag anyone else into my problems with Akito." He went to leave the room.

"Damn rat, Shigure's willing to put his ass on the line for you and this is how you thank him? You need to be taught some respect!" Kyo jumped up and cracked his knuckles.

"Go ahead. Hit me. I deserve it. Please, go on. I want to feel something real."

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battles always choose_

_Cause inside I realize_

_That I'm the one confused_

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I know it's not alright_

_So I'm b__reaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

__

Kyo didn't move. He just stood still with his mouth agape. Yuki left the room and headed up the stairs to his room. He walked in and shut the door.

"Damn, I forgot they took my lock away," he thought as he glared at the holes in the door where the screws had held the lock in place. He flopped down on the bed and sighed. He removed the dagger from within his pillowcase. Shigure hadn't been able to find the dagger so he didn't take _that_ away. "Hello, old friend. Care to taste my blood again?"

"Yuki? Can I come in?" A weak knock came at the door.

"Tohru," Yuki stashed the dagger away in the pillowcase again. "Come in."

"Yuki…" Tohru slid the door open with her cast-incased arm, which Akito had broken two weeks before. "Yuki, I came to apologize."

"Apologize?" Yuki stared at her, wide-eyed. "Tohru, no."

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry that you suffer because of the problems between Akito and I." Her voice had changed over the years. It was the same basic sound but sadness plagued it and hope had forsaken it. Each word welled with tears; every syllable boiled with her blood that had been spilt by Akito.

"Tohru, it's my fault. It's not your fault at all."

"Yes it is! It is! It's all my fault! It's all my fault! It's my fault my child has not smiled once in her seven years in existence! It's my fault you wake up screaming every time you go to sleep! It's my fault Kyo and Shigure take turns on suicide watch! IT'S MY FAULT!"

"Tohru, I--," Yuki choked back tears.

"Forgive me," Tohru turned, tears trailing down her face, and left. She quickly shut the door and ran off.

"No, forgive me," Yuki whispered as he took out the dagger once again. He walked over to his desk and stuck the dagger firmly in the corner of the desk. He picked up a pen and paper and began to write.

It was a suicide note of deepest remorse. He bled his heart upon the paper then picked up the knife and prepared to bleed his wrist upon the floor.

_Clutching my cure_

_I tightly lock the door_

_I try to catch my breath again_

_I hurt much more_

_Than anytime before_

_I had no options left again_

__

He made quick work of slicing open the stitches and the crimson fluid began to flow.

"I'm so messed up. I deserve to die," he thought to himself. "It's my fault Tohru suffers. If I wasn't always at odds with Akito, he wouldn't have hurt her. If it wasn't for my nightmares, Tohru wouldn't feel so guilty." His thoughts trailed off in a muddled stream of anemic confusion. They say that you experience a sort of "high" when experiencing severe blood loss. If that's true, Yuki was experiencing it now.

_I don't want to be the one_

_The battles always choose_

_Cause inside I realize_

_That I'm the one confused_

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_I don't know why I instigate_

_And say what I don't mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I'll never be alright_

_So I'm b__reaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

__

"Yuki! Yuki, where are you!?" Shigure dashed up the stairs. He was worried. Yuki had disappeared over an hour ago. Shigure threw open the door to Yuki's room and the first thing he saw was the message on the wall.

"Gomen nasai" - written in blood. Frantically and fearfully, his eyes shot down to the floor below the writing where Yuki lay dead in a puddle of his own blood clutching his suicide note in his right hand.

Shigure checked for a pulse but felt nothing. When there was no pulse, he still felt it necessary to call out vainly, "Kyo! Call the hospital!"

Sorrowfully, Shigure took the note from Yuki's hand. He opened it gingerly.

_I'll paint it on the walls_

_Cause I'm the one at fault_

_I'll never fight again_

_And this is how it ends_

__

"What did he have to say in death? That he was sorry? That he messed up everyone's lives?"

"Kyoko! Don't look!" Shigure shielded the little girl's eyes once he noticed she was beside him. Kyoko smacked his hand away.

"The damage has already been done!" Kyoko shouted, tears flowing down her face. "You think seeing him dead could even phase me at this point!?"

"Kyoko…" Shigure clutched the child in his arms, still holding the unread note.

"What did he say? Tell me," she insisted.

Tohru drifted past the room and saw clearly that Yuki was dead. She walked quietly back to her room.

"All I do is cause trouble," she mumbled to herself as she began to write her words on a piece of paper, "Goodbye. I love you all dearly. Take care of Kyoko. Deepest regrets, Tohru Honda."

She left the note on her desk. Pulling open the one drawer, her eyes fell upon the revolver inside. It had been bought for her in an attempt to keep Akito from taking her but she was too afraid to even draw the weapon on the object of her deepest darkest fears. Tohru picked up the revolver and aimed it at her temple. "God forgive me, the pitiful sinner."

With that, a shot rang out and Tohru fell dead to the floor.

Later that day, the double suicide was reported to both the police and Sohma House. Upon hearing the news of Yuki's demise, Akito suffered a heart attack. He was revived only to die from a follow-up attack three hours later.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for_

_Or why I have to scream_

_But now I have some clarity_

_To show you what I mean_

_I don't know how I got this way_

_I'll never be alright_

_So I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_I'm breaking the habit_

_Tonight_

* * *

A/N: I thought about adding in a brief second chapter that would just be Yuki's suicide note. What do you people think? 


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